What a Library Should Be

9:09 AM
There's a man who's just come in. He's muttering to himself.

9:12 AM
He sounds ill.

9:15 AM
I think I'll get behind the counter and make sure the little gate to get there is nice and secure.

9:17 AM
I've locked the little deadbolt on the swinging gate and stacked a bunch of books on the counter so I can sit behind them. I also have the spray gun with the cockroach poison with me.

9:20 AM
Not that the man is doing anything wrong...

9:24 AM
No, never mind, he's just accosted a young man who was on the computers. I can't stand the people that come in here to just use the computers. This is a library. Books live here. Computers are like clockwork zombies compared to books. These young people, always checking their e-mail and blogging constantly about their pointless lives; I will never understand it.

9:25 AM
Oh, the young man's run out. The mumbling man just ran and hid in the stacks. How odd.

9:30 AM
Is he reciting Shakespeare?

9:32 AM
Definitely Shakespeare.

9:35 AM
I guess I'll have to deal with him; two people have already complained to me about him, and I can't be having these constant, selfish interruptions. I'd best take the cockroach spray with me.

"Excuse me, hello sir?" I'm not quite sure if he can hear me. Perhaps he is deaf. Or maybe he's only pretending to be deaf? How rude. Or maybe he's foreign. "HEL-LO?" When in doubt, speak real slow and loud. Well, he's looking at me now, at least.

"DO... YOU..." --I'm pointing at him, just to make sure he knows what 'you' means-- "NEED HEY-YULP?"

9:38 AM
Apparently he doesn't need help, he's run off and hidden behind a shelf.

9:40 AM
I've decided to ignore the man until he decides to say something sensible.

9:41 AM
But I still have the cockroach spray in easy reach.

9:42 AM
Frightened in my own library. Well, the public library that is practically mine. I'm here all the time.

9:45 AM
During work hours, at least.

9:47 AM
I shouldn't be forced to hide behind the counter in a library. Libraries should be peaceful and--
"QUIET!" Huh. Some kid tried to play music on the computer. Try again, you technological little twerp, and I'll practice my umbrella-savaging on you.

9:50 AM
I shall write to the mayor and tell him that there ought to be a background screening on people before they're allowed in my library.